She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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