So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
