I think i peed on brittanys purse
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
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