I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
