hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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