When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
