if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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