Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
