I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
