I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
