Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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