This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
