hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
