What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
