Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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