Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
