I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
