My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
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who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I wear drunk well.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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