Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
