Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
