come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
