I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Randomize
