yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
