What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
