I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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