Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
