we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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