just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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