i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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