i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
high people should be assigned attendants
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
