you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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