so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
