Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
