Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
no, he came in my armpit
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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