We won't sleep together?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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