We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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