Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
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