If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did we convert life to cartoon?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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