1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
