I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
