is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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