He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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