Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I have aggressive nipples.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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