my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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