moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize