Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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