Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
