Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
