dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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