No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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