peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
