fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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