At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
