no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize