He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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