idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
