i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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