It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Can I color on your dick again?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
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