Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
porn star boner night. come get it.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I think your dad took our porno
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
