I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
