exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
