P.S. I can't hear my feet
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
