Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
