he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
