is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
