i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
