if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
