We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
