somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
