I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
