In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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