Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
