having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
