a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
