so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
