i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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