Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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