i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
