I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
