mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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