Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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