I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
