This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
time to smoke my breakfast
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
did i walk over a car last night?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
