you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
