u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Please, let me fuck your mom
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize