My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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