It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
