True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
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If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
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he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
This couple is walking their pig around campus
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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